Gillian Corke is a mum of three and a Certified Positive Discipline Educator. Here she discusses how positive discipline coaching can help a family…
Have you ever wished, “Is it bedtime yet?” when it’s barely 7am, or wondered how that sweet little child you had yesterday could be behaving so utterly appalling right now?
I know I have. I had been an educator for over a decade and thought I knew it all. Then I had my own children and my pride handed to me on a plate on a daily basis. I didn’t like my children when I was being permissive and didn’t like myself when I was being authoritarian. And wavering between the two was just plain confusing, resulting in attention seeking, insecurity and destructive behaviour from my children, and a general ‘grin and bare it’ approach from me!
As soon as I started to read Jane Nelsen’s classic Positive Discipline book, I knew I’d found a way that I connected with. It made so much sense of what was going on around me, my part in it and how to move forward in a kind AND firm way, accepting mistakes as wonderful opportunities to learn.
The principle of ‘Connection Before Correction’ was so simple, and so effective, and it’s something that’s allowed me to work as a Positive Discipline Parent Educator with families of all shapes and sizes to look beyond the behaviour and bring peace to their families and homes.
A perfect example of how this works comes from a first-time mum on my current Positive Discipline for the under threes class. As a result of being in lockdown, she hadn’t seen her own child engage with children of her own age for an extended period. The, with lockdown easing, the chance came along for not one but two playdates.
“I was mortified,” said the mum. “She wanted every toy the other child was playing with, and she snatched, dominated, cheek gouged and tried to hit and bite both children to get her way! As the ‘stops’ and ‘don’ts’ were flying out, I suddenly realised that, in that moment I was way more preoccupied with being judged by the other parents than I was about what was going on with my child.
“Rather than be dismayed, I read the Positive Discipline book and learned that my child’s behaviour was in fact developmentally appropriate, she wasn’t being a ‘bad baby’ and – most importantly – whilst I didn’t handle the bloops in a textbook way, those mistakes were opportunities to learn.”
What a foundational moment in that family’s life! I was so honoured the parent wanted to share it with me. The tools developed from Jane Nelsen’s book have been successful in 100,000s of homes and schools and are over 40 years in the making. They are suitable for parents with children of all ages, childcare workers, nannies, teachers, and anyone who has a heart to understand and respond to misbehaviour with loving guidance as you explore your own choices and responses in a safe and fun environment.
If you want to learn more, you can find out details of a series of courses aimed at parenting at www.coachfromtheheart.org/families