Like any significant loss, a break-up comes with its own rollercoaster of emotions – from the initial haze and gut-wrenching lows of the early days, to embracing the highs of new opportunities and experiences.
Sadly, there’s no quick fix to help you ride the ups and downs of divorce, but local family law support company, Bath Family Law LLP (BFL), says by accepting that these feelings and understanding are normal is the first step in the healing process.
Here the team talks us through the six stages of separation and share their top tips on how to survive a breakup
Shock
Even if separation has been on the cards for months, it’s not unusual to react with feelings of disbelief and/or denial – whoever called time on the relationship. This is a common coping mechanism that helps numb the pain as you adapt to your shifting reality. For children in the relationship, they either feel relief, confusion or a combination of both.
Anger
The initial pain of separation is so intense it’s often masked with feelings of bitterness and resentment – usually directed towards your ex. Peter Guest, managing partner at BFL, suggests you channel that anger into action. “Reach out early for information and consider your options – it will make all the difference in the long run.”
Fear
The prospect of a future ‘alone’ can feel incredibly frightening. It’s normal to worry about how you will cope both emotionally and financially, not to mention the impact on your kids. Instead of feeling vulnerable and helpless, take control of the situation.
“At BFL we don’t just offer legal advice,” continues Peter. “We can also help you negotiate with your ex and make decisions amicably – especially important when children are involved.”
Grief
Once you accept the separation is final – grief is inevitable. Sadness, depression, exhaustion and overwhelm are all common at this stage; especially as it often coincides with the pressure of making financial decisions and agreeing living/contact arrangements for children. Remember you aren’t alone – consider reaching out for professional help from a therapist or support group.
Acceptance
Over time emotions stabilise, and you begin to think more clearly and rationally – this is called the upward turn. Although it’s not unusual to slip back into periods of anxiety and depression, you feel more in control of your life and the good days outweigh the bad. Children might still be hoping for a miracle – but they are also adjusting to their new normal.
Moving on
It’s the start of a new chapter – hope has returned and you’re happy, excited and optimistic about your future. Most importantly, you know you’re going to be ok.
“There really is no ‘one size fits all’ approach to confronting the reality of a broken relationship,” shares Peter. “Especially where children, domestic abuse or financial dispute are part of the equation. Recognising the emotional stages, and working your way through them using the top tips below, will lessen the emotional impact, while also putting you in a much better place for recovery and the next step of your journey.”
- Look after yourself. Eat well, stay active, and make time for things you enjoy.
- Communication is key. Maintain a good relationship with your ex – it will make the process faster, cheaper and easier for your kids.
- Seek legal advice. A family law support company, such as BFL, can protect you and your children’s safety, rights and help resolve financial matters.
- Keep your chin up. Maintain a positive outlook and practice gratitude.
- Find a support system. Lean on family and friends and don’t be afraid to ask for help.