Emma Arnaudet, a teens and parent coach, offers advice to parents planning for their child’s first day at secondary school
The first day of secondary school represents a massive upheaval for a child. Think of a goldfish, secure in his aquarium, used to his routine and then suddenly being thrown into the sea.
How can you best get your child ready for this new stage?
In order to prepare your child in the best comprehensive way, I will use the Six Human Needs framework developed by Tony Robbins (the international life coach) and Cloe Madanes (family psychologist and life coach): Certainty, Variety, Significance, Love and Connection, Growth and Contribution.
Certainty
First, let’s look at meeting your child’s need for Certainty. Before the end of summer holidays, pair your child with another child or friend who is going to be on the same school route (bus or walk) to secondary school. Alternatively you can explore the route with them so that they have some landmarks before the start of term.
If your child is very nervous about new experiences, on their first day of school, you could encourage them to take in with them a small familiar object or toy that grounds them, or a smell in their clothes/bag that is calming, such as lavender.
You could also work on a positive affirmation: “You’ve got this’, “I can do it”, “I am smart”, “I can ask for help”…
Variety
The second of your child’s need is for Variety. Present your child with the positive features of his new school to help him/her see the benefits of moving to a bigger pool. These can range from small to big:
- More children to make friends with, more teachers.
- A diversity of snacks at break or lunch.
- New subjects (home economics/ DT) or a variety of subjects that they will not have been taught in as much depth (languages/ drama/IT/ religious studies).
- A variety of clubs (music/choir, drama, sport, craft, languages, chess, art, film, science, school magazine etc…) If you know other children who go to your child’s school, ask them to talk to your child about their experiences.
Significance
Let’s have a look at how your child could grow their sense of self-esteem or how they could achieve more Significance. Is there a subject they have always wanted to study or that they are already good at/they could get better at and get some recognition for?
- Football, rugby, netball, hockey and many more will all provide your child with an opportunity of being in the school team and working more as a team.
- Drama and music provide an opportunity for being in the seasonal school production.
- School societies such amnesty, animal welfare and environment mean that your child can have an input to protect the fauna and flora and defend people’s rights to be different.
- Homework club – although this club might not generate instant enthusiasm, it is useful to get the homework out of the way and out of the school day.
Although not every school will provide all these clubs and societies, most headteachers will welcome students’ suggestions for other clubs.
Connection
A new school provides your child with many opportunities to make new friends who might live in a different catchment areas. As parents, we are also transitioning from an era of control where we know or are friends with the parents of our children’s friends, to a more complex era where our children make friends, socialise and get invited by parents we have never met.
It is also worthwhile for us to spread our social network and invest in the School PTA or multiply the opportunities to meet other parents, such as school meetings, plays, the big matches or even face to face parents’ meeting.
Reassure your child that he/she will be in a tutor group and therefore have most (but not all) his lessons with his/her peers. In some schools, your child will stay in the same tutor group until Year 11, so it is worth investing time building friendships with other tutees. The tutor will be your first point of contact.
Growth
How could you meet your child’s need for Growth? Introduce a new sense of responsibility into your child. For instance, it might be time to have a smartphone or suggest it’s time for them to look after their own uniform.
Have your child’s timetable well in view in your kitchen where it is easy to spot what your child needs to take to school and what nights they will do their homework or stay late at school for a club. This will be particularly useful if the school operates a two week timetable where subjects are timetabled differently on week A and week B.
Empower your child by letting them gradually be more in charge of their morning and evening routines. For a very confident child who likes to take initiatives, you might suggest they cook for the family once a fortnight after they have experimented with a few recipes in Home Economics.
Contributions
Highlight the possible Contributions that your child will be able to make.
- Charity work or links with charity organisations.
- Representing the school at sport events or being a sport ambassador.
- Representing their peers in a school council.
Encourage your child to talk about their fears and concerns. It is worth explaining to your child that they can be a very different version of themselves as they will be in a pool with many new children and teachers who do not know them.
So, as familiarity is the antidote to uncertainty, this summer you could pick a day to have a rehearsal day so that you work out the times to get up, breakfast, get ready, prepare the snacks/lunch, explore the school route and the environment around school.
As a parent, don’t expect your child to jump up and down with energy and excitement after their first day or first week at school. The changes are as daunting as they are tiring physically, intellectually and emotionally, but well worth the journey!
Emma Arnaudet is a Tony Robbins-Cloe Madanes Life Coach who has worked for more than 25 years in secondary schools. She empower parents and teens to make long lasting changes through the Six Human Needs Psychology (developed by Robbins and Madanes) and other powerful coaching tools that they will have access to for life.
“If you would like to know more about Life Coaching or work with me contact me through my website lovemynewlife1111.com or to watch some videos about Coaching go on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@user-wx6gv9me7e ( Lovemynewlife).“